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Friday, October 10, 2014

Literary Moments of the Golden Girls (The Library List)

A couple of weeks ago I published a piece on Book Riot called "Literary Moments of the Golden Girls: A Complete List." I don't want to overstate things here, but (like I said on Twitter), I think it might be the most important thing I have ever written or will ever write.

Below are just the library references I pulled for the post, but I encourage you to read the whole thing. It was a lot of fun to put together...and the girls were surprisingly literary! 

And if you doubt my undying love for The Golden Girls, here's a picture my friend Brian made for me five years ago in which I get to be Blanche. Truly, a dream come true. 



S1E10: “The Heart Attack”
Picture it: Sophia is having chest pains and the girls talk as they wait for an ambulance.
Rose: “There shouldn’t be heart attacks. Or cancer, or anything like that. There should just be a certain age when you have to turn your life in, like a library book.”
Literary Reference: libraries
S2E4: “It’s a Miserable Life”
Picture it: Rose tells one of her infamous St. Olaf stories about Mr. Minky, her town’s surly librarian.
Rose: “One summer, I worked up enough nerve to check out the latest Nancy Drew mystery and Mr. Minky was stamping my book and his tie got caught in the stamping machine. He’d have choked to death if I hadn’t cut his tie with my Girl Scout knife. Well, he was so overwhelmed with gratitude he let me check my book out for a whole week!”
Blanche: “What’s so special about that?”
Rose: “Oh, usually he’d only let you check your book out for an hour. Mr. Minky always said ‘Books belong in a library.'”
Dorothy: “Really, Rose. I always thought Churchill said that at YALTA.”
Literary Reference: the Nancy Drew series by Carolyn Keene; libraries
S4E4: “Yokel Hero”
Picture it: Rose is nominated for St. Olaf’s Woman of the Year
Rose: “Last year Gretchen Lillyhammer won for running into the burning library and saving all the books!”
Blanche: “That is amazing, how’d she do that?”
Rose: “She took two books in one hand and one in the other and ran like the Dickens.”
Dorothy: “Your library only has three books? What happens when a person’s read them all?”
Rose: “I guess we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it.”
Literary References: libraries, Charles Dickens

S6E11: “Stand By Your Man” (Note: this episode has a LOT of great bookish/libraryish references, so I only included my favorites. Watch the episode for more.)
Picture it: Dorothy and Blanche go to the library and Blanche meets a nice man (who later turns out to be not-so-nice).
Dorothy: “Excuse me, my friend would like to apply for a library card.”
Librarian: “What friend?”
Dorothy: “The one whose checking out everything but the books.”
Blanche: “Whatcha reading? Oh, you must be a passionate man! Females to Fondle?!”
Man: “It’s volume seven of the encyclopedia.”
Dorothy: “My mother talked me into getting her the new Stephen King.”
Librarian: “Well, we do have the one that came out last Tuesday.”
Dorothy: “As long as it’s not about some little creature who finds new and inventive ways of terrorizing a household. It’s for my mother, I don’t want to give her any ideas.”
Dorothy, to the librarian: “I’ll put the book on my card. I want you to know my card is always current, I come to the library at least three times a week, and my books are always returned promptly during regular library hours, rain or shine WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?”
And lastly…
Blanche, praying: “As god as my witness, I will never pick up another man. In a libary. on a Saturday. unless he’s cute. And drives a nice car. Amen!”
Literary Reference: libraries, encylopedias, Stephen King

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