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Thursday, March 7, 2013

Library Treasure

I found some more strange items in the library that I need help analyzing. So put on your analyzing hats, kids! (Or sweater vests, or beards, or whatever analysts wear these days.)

First up: here we have Strawberry Shortcake innocently shopping in her striped tights and red skirt and Mary Janes and although we can't see her face, we can infer from the coloring book caption that she's having an AWESOME TIME because she just loves to shop. Isn't that great? (We can talk about the sexist subtext later.) 

Then, out of nowhere, a statement about witches gets thrown down on the page. Huh? There are no witches in the Strawberry Shortcake universe! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?   

Now, I'm aware of the kid's book "The Witch Who Was Afraid of Witches," and maybe the person coloring the page was writing the title down to remember for later, but that answer is just seems TOO EASY, my friends. I'd like to think there's a deeper meaning here - that Strawberry is not just a shopping bag-toting, fruit hat-wearing layabout, but a pensive, complicated figure who, deep down, is afraid of her darker side - a side that she hasn't been able to show her cupcake-eating, flower-sniffing friends for fear of judgment and ridicule. Just think about it. 


What does this mean? Did Christopher Columbus HIMSELF like dreams? Or was someone else having "Christopher Columbus-like" dreams? What would a Columbus-like dream consist of, anyway? Boats? Oceans? The wanton destruction of a race of people fueled by greed and misplaced imperialism? WE NEED MORE INFORMATION. 

The moral of the story is: keep your eyes open. Sometimes the library has little secrets for us to discover and share. (Sure, sometimes the secrets are horrifying and you wish to un-see them, but that doesn't change the fact that they are THERE.) 


  1. Clearly you're missing a HUGE clue in the first picture, a clue that leads to all the answers.

    Note Strawberry's socks...

    Clearly they are the socks of the Wicked Witch of the East, the one Dorothy kills. I know it's misleading. Clearly, a small child (or intelligent conspirator, possibly one and the same) colored the socks in a different hue to test your mental mettle. What we have here is literary crossover, hinting perhaps at the evil that Strawberry Shortcake would eventually become, probably from overexposure to the Peculiar Purple Pieman of Porcupine Peak.

    The second note is the next piece of the map, obviously hinting that the Land of Oz and Strawberry's worlds are, in fact, merely the dreams of Columbus, who, after all, is the discoverer and explorer of worlds.

    You really need to think of things more holistically. :)

    1. You are clearly a genius! Go start that novel!

  2. The Columbus one is easy. The author of said prose was clearly writing exactly as they would have said the sentence aloud, valley girl style. Perhaps this is the premise or beginning of a story they want to write how, Christopher Columbus, like, dreams (of) when he was a boy. And then...

    Paul (

    1. Haha, I'll admit that this possibility didn't even cross my mind. Well done.

    2. That was my immediate thought as well. "So, like, Columbus dreams of sailing, like, and then he grew up..."

  3. I wonder if they left out a hyphen on the post-it. Someone was having "Christopher Columbus-like dreams when he was a boy." Probably about sailing. Maybe smallpox.

  4. I keep a collection of weird stuff found while weeding. My current favorite is a scarp of hotel note paper that says "indulged in a succulent piece of meat. [line marking off a separate note] Warts - inside banana peel apply to Wart - rub or use band-aid"