Kids Say the Darndest...Well, You Know (#4)

It's FRIDAY! You know what that means...it's time for FUNNY KID QUOTES. (Please ignore the fact that the last time I did this was five months ago. I'm really bad at "being consistent.") Anyway, I know we're all stressed and there's been a lot of just terrible, horrible things in the news lately, so here's your chance to read the TOP 25 funny/weird/interesting things I've heard from kid in the past few months. (Some of these have already been Tweeted or Tumbld, so I apologize for any repetition.) In an attempt to be a good, organized librarian, I've separated the quotes into something that vaguely resembles categories. I hope you enjoy!

Here's some miscellaneous fun:

1) Woman (to me): “Hi miss, can you help us?”

Girl (to her mother): "Don't call her ‘miss’! Call her 'librarian.'"

2) Kid (to another kid): “Stop being a jackass!”

Me: “Hey!”

Kid: “Sorry. He just got me mad.”

Me: “Well, use a different word.”

Kid (to the other kid): “Stop being a jackbutt!”

Got me there.

3) Kid (to me): "You wouldn't let me sell DVDs in the library, at LEAST let me put makeup on you."

I am a cruel, cruel librarian.

4) Kid: "Why are your arms so freckly?"

 Me: "I dunno. I guess 'cause I'm part Irish."

Kid: "So do leprechauns have freckles too?

Deep thoughts.

5) Kid (to me): "Smell anything different about me?”

NO. NO I DON’T. STOP ASKING.

6) Kid: "You know how when a kid eats too much and they vomit? That's what happened to my goldfish."

Thanks for the mental image, kid!

7) Kid: "My home computer is broken. I won't be able to live without it."

Me: "Yes you will."

Kid: "Well, I won't live a life that's HAPPY.”

Pretty much sums up this generation, no?

8) Girl, picking up my water bottle from the reference desk: "Do you care about other peoples' spit?" JESUS GOD YES.

Sometimes kids are just MEAN:

9) Kid (to me): "You smell like flowers."

Me: “Oh. Thanks.”

Kid: “It’s an annoying smell.”

OH YEAH? YOU’RE AN ANNOYING SMELL, KID.

10) Kid, to me, with derision: "You look like a farm girl in that skirt."

OH YEAH? YOU LOOK LIKE YOUR LATE FINES ARE ABOUT TO EXPLODE.

(That was the same kid, if you couldn’t tell. And you might also be able to tell that I’m not really good at thinking up original comebacks.)

There were several odd/dangerous questions:

11) Kid: "Do you like sweatpants?"

Me: "Sure, I guess."

 Kid: "Have you ever WORN sweatpants?"

 Sometimes I think they think I'm an alien.

12) Tween: “Can I strangle you?”

Me: “No.”

 Tween: “Why not?”

Me: “It's illegal.”

Tween: “Not if you don't die.”

13) Tween: "Do you think it's possible that I could kill you with laughter?"

These kids have it out for me, I tell you.

And the most challenging question of all:

 14) Kid: "What does MILF mean?"

Me: “Go ask your mother.”

A couple of questions to make Jules Verne roll in his grave:

15) Kid: "Do you have a book called 20,000 Leagues Under the Water?"

HAHAHAHAHA SO WRONG KID SO WRONG.

(Just kidding, he was really adorable.)

16) Kid: "Do you have 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea?"

Turns to friend: "I hope they're BASEBALL leagues."

That’s one kid who is going to be sorely disappointed.

There were some disturbing media-related questions:

17) Tween Girl: “Have you heard of the movie ‘50 Shades of Grey’?”

 Me: “Umm…why do you ask?”

Tween: “I am VERY concerned about who is going to play Christian Grey.”

As are we all.

18) Kid: “What’s your favorite TV show?

Me (half kidding): "Did you ever see The Golden Girls?"

Kid: "Does it have vampires in it?”

This generation knows nothing. NOTHING.

And there were some interesting/funny/inspiring bookish questions/comments.

19) Kid: "Can you help me pick out some books?"

Me: "Sure! What kind of books do you like?"

 Kid: "That's what I need to find out!"

Touché, kid.

20) Kid (when I asked her if she needed help finding books):"I already read all the books I like."

21) 5^th grade girl: “If there was no manga in the world, I'd totally freak out.”

22) Girl (after realizing that the book she just picked might be too difficult for her): "I'm going to just mix up all the words in my head and forget everything I read in this book."

23) Me: "So what have you been doing all summer?"

Tween: "Reading!"

YES. THIS IS A GOOD ANSWER

And my favorite:

 24) Girl: "I'm going to read THIS book last because it's the most beautiful."

Wait, no. This was my favorite:

25) Kid: "Do you want to help me look for a book that might not exist?"

YES. YES I DO.

BONUS: This last one isn’t a kid quote, but I had to include it because it pretty much sums up every librarian’s experience:

Drunk Lady at the Bar: "So what do YOU do?"

 Me: "I'm a librarian."

 Lady: "A librarian? That's still a 'thing'?"

Yes. Yes it is. Looks like STUPID is still a thing too.

HAPPY FRIDAY, EVERYONE!